HUMOR

I’m The Neighbor With 25 Wind Chimes Hanging On My Porch

Isn’t it soothing? I said, ISN’T IT SOOTHING?

Photo by Ravi Kant

Hey, neighbor! I see you standing on your front porch a lot staring fixedly at my house at all hours of the day and night.

I can only assume you’re admiring the 25 wind chimes I keep up year round. Aren’t they soothing?

Quick tip: You might want to take it easy when you slam your windows shut. That’s hard on the frames.

Let me tell you a little bit about these babies. These are called Fairy Bells. See how teeny tiny they are? A hummingbird fart can set them off. These tinkle so much I don’t even hear them anymore. Oh, you do? Aren’t they soothing?

I got these here at an antique store in Nevada. They’re radioactive. Put a Geiger counter next to these bad boys and it just explodes. Ha ha! Of course I’m kidding! But seriously, I wouldn’t touch those if I were you.

Now, these — yes, they are very large — I got these from a Tibetan monastery. I had to have my porch frame reinforced to withstand the weight.

Also, it’s entirely possible that they’re haunted.