HUMOR

I’m Investing All of My Money in Companies That Make Iron Lungs

Which industries will go boom or bust in the new Age of Stupidity?

A tank ventilator, also known as an “iron lung,” in the museum at the “Little White House,” the residence of the United States’ 35th president, Franklin Delano Roosevelt (Courtesy of the Library of Congress)

I don’t know about you, but I’m always on the lookout for the Next Big Thing, an industry that’s poised to take off and is just begging to take my hard-earned money.

Sure, I lost almost every penny I invested in crypto, but that’s because I didn’t have the guts to ride it out. I saw my account tanking faster than the Edmund Fitzgerald and I panicked.

But that doesn’t mean I should stop handing over my money to investment firms I’ve never heard of to buy stock I don’t understand. After all, that’s the American Way.

That’s why the government is going to put all of our strategic national reserves into Bitcoin and then watch it evaporate like a ghost in a Scooby-Doo cartoon.

But as a savvy investor, you might be asking yourself, “What sectors are going to benefit from all the mindboggling stupidity running rampant in the upper echelons of our once-great nation’s leadership?”

Here are some surefire bets that I think are ready to explode within the next few long, hellish years:

IRON LUNGS