HUMOR

I’m Calling Off Our Engagement Because I Say ‘Potato’ and You Say ‘Potahto’

And don’t even get me started on ‘tomahto’.

Photo by blackieshoot on Unsplash

My dearest David:

After much thought, I’ve decided to call off our engagement because you say ‘potahto’.

As you know, I say ‘potato’, which I think everybody except you agrees is the correct way to say it. There’s clearly something deeply wrong with you, and ‘potahto’ is just the tip of the iceberg.

Ted Bundy probably said ‘potahto’.

You also say ‘tomahto’ instead of ‘tomato’, which is just pretentious and off-putting. This isn’t a Grey Poupon commercial.

I can accept that you prefer ‘eye-ther’ over ‘ee-ther’. I’m actually thinking about saying ‘eye-ther’ too since it makes me sound smarter.

But nobody in their right mind says ‘banahnahs’ and I’m frankly mortified every time we go to the grocery store and you insist on asking where the ‘banahnahs’ are just so you can say ‘banahnahs’.

Who does that?

I’m also calling the whole thing off to spare our future children, who are going to be destroyed at school if they walk around saying ‘potahto’ and ‘banahnah’, not to mention ‘pyjahmas’, ‘larfter’, and ‘ersters’.