If Our Dogs Took Us To The Store

Bev Potter
2 min readJul 2, 2022
Photo by A n v e s h on Unsplash

[MY DOG] “Do you promise to be good?”

[ME] *totally lying* “Of course.”

“Okay, you can pick out one toy.”

[ME]: *grabbing all the toys*

“I said one. Is this your favorite? OMG, it’s $25. Here, you can have a tennis ball. It’s orange.”

[ME]: “This is bullshit.”

“Okay, what snacks do we need. Something healthy. Oh, sunflower seeds, they’re high in Vitamin E. They’ll make your hair shiny.”

[ME]: *chewing on a rotisserie chicken*

“Oh my god, put that back, it’s loaded with sodium. Okay — Wait a minute. Did you just pee in the aisle?

[ME] *still peeing*

“This is so humiliating.*

[ME] Somebody else already peed there.

“I don’t care. Now I have to find a clerk to clean it up.”

[ME] Just walk away. No one will ever know. Walk. Away.

*rounding the end of an aisle and seeing another human* Yo, are you talkin’ to me?”

“Please don’t get in a fight. I’m so sorry, she’s a rescue.”

[ME] “You MUST be talking to me. I’m the only one here.”



Bev Potter

Legal secretary by day, insomniac by night. Ally. BA, MA. Humor, pop culture, and things that make you think. My weekly-ish newsletter is