If Our Dogs Took Us To The Doctor

Bev Potter
3 min readMay 4, 2022


Photo by FLOUFFY on Unsplash

[DOG DOCTOR] “Hey, there! So how’s Bev been doing?”

[MY DOG] “Good, good. Her hair is shiny. We W-A-L-K a lot.”

“Great! Let’s get her up on the scale.”

[ME] *refuses to move*

“Sorry, she’s a little stubborn. Come on, let’s get up there! Show the doctor what a good girl you are!”

“Looks like we’re going to have to lift her. Oompf, she might be a little overweight. What are you feeding her?”

“She gets into the garbage a lot. McDonald’s. Arby’s. It’s hard to keep her out of it.”

“Have you tried taking her car keys away?”

“Well, but then we couldn’t go to the you-know-what.”

“The P word? Hm. Her nails look a little long, would you like us to trim them?”

“She usually just chews them off.”

“And her teeth need a good cleaning — do you brush?”

“Sometimes. But nothing gets rid of coffee stains.”

“So, looks like she’s due for her shots. Ope, almost lost her out the door. Get back here, you scamp.”

“Poor baby. She really hates coming to the doctor’s office. Look at her, she’s shaking.”

“It’ll be over in a minute. And then you get a treat!”

[ME] “McDonald’s?”

“I’ve got some yummy carrot slices!”

[ME] “This is bullshit.”

“We might need to muzzle her. It doesn’t hurt her. It’s really for her own good.”

“Oh, I almost forgot, here’s a stool sample.”

“Great. We want to make sure she doesn’t have worms. We had a financial advisor in here yesterday that was just full of worms.”

“She scoots on the carpet sometimes.”

“She might need her anal glands expressed.”

“She calls it ‘yoga’.”

“Does she have a lot of toys to play with?”

“Does a phone count?”

“How about friends?”

“She’s a rescue. I don’t think she was socialized as a baby, but I have no way of knowing.”



What’s The Point of a Pub Without Drinks?

2 min read

Oct 1

Why You Shouldn’t Submit to My Publications

3 min read

Sep 28

My Wife’s Mushroom and Everything Sandwich Truly Was Ridiculous

3 min read

Sep 27

5 min read

Sep 25

Waving Etiquette at the Retirement Community

3 min read

Sep 21

4 min read

Sep 21

Nothing Like a Little Fire in the Kitchen to End the Day

3 min read

Aug 25

Why Am I Walking Around the House Humming While Clutching Frozen Muffins to My Chest?

4 min read

Sep 18

3 min read

Sep 17

The Ghost of Operations Past

4 min read

Sep 15

Bev Potter

Legal secretary by day, insomniac by night. Ally. BA, MA. Humor, pop culture, and things that make you think. My weekly-ish newsletter is