Humor

If I Get Arrested Today (For Speeding) I Expect My Supporters To Take To The Streets In Protest

Also, if somebody could bail me out, that’d be great.

That’s my kind of sign. (Photo by Steven Cordes on Unsplash)

I’ve got a little bit of a lead foot. Also, I have no idea how fast I’m going or what the posted limits are.

Also, I don’t care.

All of this adds up to a few speeding tickets, to the point where I know the routine (small talk, mild questioning. Just hand me the ticket, please. Yes, I know where to sign.).

I already have a pen at the ready before they even make it to the window. You can’t say I’m unprepared.

Part of the problem was being married to a cop. At the conclusion of our wedding vows, I was handed a little “Get Out Of Jail Free” card that I tucked away in my wallet before beginning a life of crime.

I also had a gold, star-shaped badge that was fixed to my license plate. I mean, yes, I was in a miserable, weird, loveless marriage, but it had its perks.

I was pretty much untouchable as far as committing misdemeanor-level crimes was concerned.