HUMOR
I Won’t Rest Until I Have A Labradoodlechiweenie Gerberianshepsky To Call My Own
I’ve been scrolling through Instagram for the perfect dog and I’ve decided that I have to have a Labradoodlechiweenie Gerberianshepsky of my very own.
Here are some of the qualities of a Labradoodlechiweenie Gerberianshepsky:
They’re either freakishly smart or incredibly stupid. It’s a roll of the dice.
They’re hypoallergenic, but only on Mondays and Thursdays.
They’re allergic to grass, trees, flowers, your particular brand of laundry detergent, and air.
Their allergy pills cost $500 per month, but they won’t swallow a pill unless it’s hidden inside a piece of Wagyu beef that’s been flown in from Japan within the last 24 hours (they will know).
They need to be groomed at least once a week, but they hate being touched, so they have to be muzzled and lifted into the air in a harness like Pink at her Vegas residency.
On the plus side, they’ll eat almost anything: TV remotes, socks, Michael Kors ballet flats (size 9) that you wrestled another woman for in a pop-up on West 32nd, aluminum foil, pillows, toilet paper, and game controllers.
