I Won’t Rest Until I Have A Labradoodlechiweenie Gerberianshepsky To Call My Own

Bev Potter
3 min readSep 22, 2022
Photo by Rebecca De Bautista on Unsplash

I’ve been scrolling through Instagram for the perfect dog and I’ve decided that I have to have a Labradoodlechiweenie Gerberianshepsky of my very own.

Here are some of the qualities of a Labradoodlechiweenie Gerberianshepsky:

They’re either freakishly smart or incredibly stupid. It’s a roll of the dice.

They’re hypoallergenic, but only on Mondays and Thursdays.

They’re allergic to grass, trees, flowers, your particular brand of laundry detergent, and air.

Their allergy pills cost $500 per month, but they won’t swallow a pill unless it’s hidden inside a piece of Wagyu beef that’s been flown in from Japan within the last 24 hours (they will know).

They need to be groomed at least once a week, but they hate being touched, so they have to be muzzled and lifted into the air in a harness like Pink at her Vegas residency.

On the plus side, they’ll eat almost anything: TV remotes, socks, Michael Kors ballet flats (size 9) that you wrestled another woman for in a pop-up on West 32nd, aluminum foil, pillows, toilet paper, and game controllers.



Bev Potter

Legal secretary by day, insomniac by night. Ally. BA, MA. Humor, pop culture, and things that make you think. My weekly-ish newsletter is