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I Went To The Riot At The Capitol Building And All I Got Was This Lousy Podium
“The spirit was fantastic. It was kind and sweet, and we were all so happy to be there.” — Hattie Bryant to WKRN, Nashville.
Wow, was I excited when the buses finally pulled up to the Ellipse! I had to pee like a you-know-what (some of the guys were using Powerade bottles, but I’m no extremist). We assembled in front of the stage where the President was going to speak. It was a real party atmosphere. Some people started chanting “Hang Mike Pence!”, which was fun.
The President talked for a really long time and sometimes his sentences were even grammatically correct! I was more excited than that time the Homeowner’s Association granted my application for a variance to build a wall between me and the brown people who live next door.
Some reporters have asked me, “Didn’t you know things were going to turn violent?” Of course not! Just because I was surrounded by wild-eyed people wearing tactical gear and being egged on by a petty despot and his Igor, how was I supposed to know all hell was about to break loose and I was going to be part of a rabid mob that tried to bring down the American government?
