Member-only story
HUMOR
I Was a Prostitute on Facebook Marketplace
The dating site for hoarders.
In a misguided attempt to sell my mom’s things after her death, I joined Facebook Marketplace.
I thought, “Everybody’s on Marketplace, and maybe I can earn a buck instead of just throwing everything into a dumpster and setting it on fire.”
Which is exactly what I should’ve done. The one motto I’ve stuck to from earliest childhood is, “Don’t do what everybody else is doing.” That goes for teams, clubs, groups, websites, and staring at an eclipse.
But the lure of easy money was too hard to resist.
I blame my new addiction on somebody I actually met on Facebook Marketplace.
I wanted to get an almost new TV out of the way and she was my first customer, a truly wonderful human being. But like all addicts, she couldn’t stop herself from encouraging others to also become addicts.
Whipping through my mom’s freezing cold house like a beagle hunting a rabbit, she said, “You know, if you’re not in too big of a hurry, you can make money from all of this.”
She came for the TV and grabbed a coffee table on her way out. One of the legs broke off in her hand. She was ecstatic.
