Self

I Need To Relax About Money

Thinking about it constantly won’t make it appear.

Photo by Micheile Henderson on Unsplash

I think about two things: death, and money. I’m a lot of fun at parties.

I roll out of bed and write (hoping to make money), I go to my more-than-fulltime-job (confident I’ll make money), and I work at my side gig whenever I have a free minute to make even more money (the amount depends on how much I work, which drives me like a hamster on meth).

I’m like a fairy tale character trying to spin straw into gold. And we know how that turns out — not good. I have money in the bank, but it’s not enough. And I know it will never be enough.

Obsession tells you that if you think about something hard enough, it will happen, or not happen, or appear or not appear. Whatever end result you’re hoping to achieve, obsession is the spell that conjures it.

I walk through the woods and I think about money.

I watch TV and I think about money.

I go to the grocery store, pick something up, do the math in my head, put something down. Repeat. Last time it was a jar of peanuts. I’ve assigned peanuts a random monetary value. The jar of peanuts exceeded that random, completely made-up number.