I Miss Muzak
Three words I never thought I’d say.
I don’t remember any of the birthday parties I went to as a kid, but I remember every single time I went to the doctor.
This is due in large part to Muzak.
Muzak grounded you. It let you know where you were and that something bad was about to happen to you.
Back in the ’70s and ’80s, Muzak was everywhere. Doctors, dentists, optometrists, grocery stores, pharmacies, elevators — they all had Muzak piped in through invisible speakers, and like death, it was out of your control.
Over the years, I’ve discovered that I miss Muzak. I miss those bad, tinny re-records of familiar songs. It was almost fun trying to figure out what exactly the song you were hearing actually was in the real world, away from the dying rubber plants and the subdued murmurs of the sick.
It’s mindboggling to me that kids today aren’t forced to sit through a maudlin string rendition of Feelings while thumbing through an ancient issue of Highlights for Children that looks like it was dropped in the toilet, hung out to dry, and then returned to the table.
Today, you sit in a waiting room that, without exception, contains a flatscreen TV playing cable news or HGTV or something…
