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Humor
I Have Decided To Stop Taking A Bath
How to stink like a celebrity.
TO: EVERYONE
SUBJECT: HYGIENE AND MY FUTURE HUSBAND, JAKE GYLLENHAAL
You may have read online that Jake Gyllenhaal doesn’t bathe. In solidarity with the man who stole my heart with his stellar performance in Donnie Darko and not much after that, I too have decided to stop taking a bath.
Remember when we all stopped washing our hair and told ourselves “it’s healthier” even though we looked like castaways on a desert island or extras in Mad Max? Or when we tried to convince ourselves that we could wash our hair with just conditioner? It’s like that.
I think the press is treating Jake unfairly. He looks like he never took a bath anyway and I don’t know why anyone is surprised by his announcement.
No one “raised a stink”, as it were, when Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher announced that they only bathe their children “when they can see” the dirt on them, even though this means that unless you’re raising your children to be professional mud wrestlers, you’re probably never going to give them a bath.
