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Humor
I Have Decided To Become A Hypermiler
We haven’t driven anywhere together in a while, and I feel like we’re really, really too close right now — social distancing is hard! — so I hope you don’t mind riding in the back seat.
There’s water and snacks in the seat pockets. Do you like the air freshener I used? It’s called Satanic Ritual. It smells like wood smoke and burning flesh. It’s very outdoorsy.
Before we head out, I think I should probably tell you that I’ve decided to become a hypermiler.
In case you didn’t know, a hypermiler is somebody who goes to extreme, sometimes even unsafe measures to maximize fuel efficiency.
With the way gas prices are right now, I think you can agree that this is the way to go. Also because it’s my car and I’m the one at the wheel, so.
One technique that I use a lot is coasting. It’s not really very hilly around here, so it’s hard to pick up much speed. I usually top out at around 35 mph. I hope you’re not in a hurry.
Oh, that’s right. I’m giving you a ride to the airport to catch a last-minute flight to visit your dying father. Well, he’ll just have to wait.
