Humor

I Have Converted One Person To The Church of Medium

No, I don’t know how I did it.

Photo by Edward Cisneros on Unsplash

To paraphrase Annie Hall, “I used to be a Twitter addict. Now I’m a Medium addict.”

And as a result of this relentless barrage of words that I spew onto the page, I’ve somehow managed to convert one lost soul to the Church of Medium.

No, I don’t know how I did it. I assume they were drunk and all the credit card information auto-filled. They probably don’t even know they’re a paying member yet.

So what goodies can I buy with this $2.27 monthly tithe?

1. A thimbleful of gasoline. This amount is rapidly decreasing as we speak.
2. I can walk into a Starbucks, but I’m not allowed to touch anything or sit down.
3. One off-brand sock.
4. A package of Hydrox cookies. I don’t deserve Oreos.
5. Four Chicken McNuggets. But I’m usually lucky and get five because the kids piloting the fryer are paying zero attention to their jobs and shove however many will fit into the box. Oh, you wanted honey mustard dipping sauce? TOO BAD. You’ll get barbecue and like it.
6. One pecan.
7. 4.1273 stamps.
8. A package of underwear from the…