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Satire
I Gave Birth In A Regal Cinema
So why do we need parental leave?
Colorado Rep. Lauren Boebert said she delivered one of her four children in the front seat of her truck, bringing it up as a supporting point against extended parental leave. — The Washington Post
Let me tell ya, Pete Buttigigi, I gave birth to twins in the middle center row of a Regal Cinema— best seat in the place, by the way. I didn’t even have leg room and there was a real tall guy in front of me ruinin’ ever’thing. All I saw was the back of his head until my water broke.
I tried to tell the people next to me I just spilled my Coke — the movie was just gettin’ good! But they moved a few seats over anyway, so I got up out of my seat and spit out the twins like my vagina was spittin’ out watermelon seeds. Never even put down my popcorn.
Then I wanted to refill my Big Gulp, so I tucked the kids into my purse next to my Glock 9mm and headed for the concession stand. No way was I gonna miss that free refill, no sirree.
And look at you, Pete Butterknife, tellin’ people they should have months of parental leave. Well, let me tell you, ain’t nobody got time for two and a…
