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HUMOR

I Forgot to Tell the Buyers About the Mystery Pooper at My Mom’s House

It’s probably just a bear with IBS.

Bev Potter

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Photo by Mark Basarab on Unsplash

When you sell a house in the United States, the law usually requires you to disclose any defects or problems with the property using a Residential Property Disclosure Form like this one.

It asks whether you, the seller, are aware of any material defects like a cracked foundation, a leaky roof, or asbestos in the drywall.

It asks if the property is in a flood plain, or if you’re involved in a boundary dispute with your neighbors.

It asks if you’re presently committing any zoning violations, if the house is a historical landmark, or if you’re aware of any radon gas in the basement that will slowly kill the occupants.

It does NOT ask if a werewolf is shitting on the deck at night.

My mom kept the back few acres of her property mowed for a long time, and then, eventually, she gave up and let it return to its wild state.

The result is an impenetrable wall of saplings and tall grass that starts a few yards from the back deck.

Anything could be in there. Anything. A bear could’ve ambled out onto the lawn and I wouldn’t…

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