I Can’t Back Into A Parking Space, But By God, I Will Land This Plane

Bev Potter
2 min readAug 9, 2022


Photo by Sebastian Grochowicz on Unsplash

ME: “Uh, hello? Tower guys? Testing, testing. Get yer motor runnin’,
head out on the highway!”

TOWER: “Zebra Alpha Foxtrot 551, is there a problem?”

Problem seems like a very negative word. I really don’t need that kind of toxicity in my life right now. Let’s call it a situation.”

“551, you are rapidly losing altitude. Please correct.”

“I would love to do that. I would love to correct a hell of a lot of things. Like global warming. Like dogs without a home. Like how big my nose looks in selfies. But unfortunately, the pilot seems to have died and I have no idea how to fly a plane.”

“551, we’re going to instruct you on how to activate autopilot.”

“Oooo, cool. Will it inflate like in Airplane!?”

….. “No.”


“Do you see the button labeled ‘autopilot’? Press that.”

“Okey-dokey. Ah, we seem to have levelled out, good buddy. Come back?”

“It’s not a CB radio, 551.”


“What was the pilot doing before he, uh, passed away?”

“Eating pizza cheese.”

“Oh. Yeah, well, that’ll get you every time.”

“I could really go for a piece of pizza right now. I mean, it’s sitting right there. Would that be disrespectful?”



“Are you eating pizza?”

“No. Yes.”

“Okay. Just, don’t touch anything else.”

“Too late. I think I just dumped all our fuel.”

“That’s probably for the best.”


“… No reason. Look, you’ve seen people land planes on TV before, right?”

“Sure. I mean, usually they crash and burn, but technically I suppose that’s still landing.”

“We’re going to help. Just do what we tell you to do, okay?”



Bev Potter

Legal secretary by day, insomniac by night. Ally. BA, MA. Humor, pop culture, and things that make you think. My weekly-ish newsletter is