HUMOR
I Can’t Back Into A Parking Space, But By God, I Will Land This Plane
--
ME: “Uh, hello? Tower guys? Testing, testing. Get yer motor runnin’,
head out on the highway!”
TOWER: “Zebra Alpha Foxtrot 551, is there a problem?”
“Problem seems like a very negative word. I really don’t need that kind of toxicity in my life right now. Let’s call it a situation.”
“551, you are rapidly losing altitude. Please correct.”
“I would love to do that. I would love to correct a hell of a lot of things. Like global warming. Like dogs without a home. Like how big my nose looks in selfies. But unfortunately, the pilot seems to have died and I have no idea how to fly a plane.”
“551, we’re going to instruct you on how to activate autopilot.”
“Oooo, cool. Will it inflate like in Airplane!?”
….. “No.”
“Bummer.”
“Do you see the button labeled ‘autopilot’? Press that.”
“Okey-dokey. Ah, we seem to have levelled out, good buddy. Come back?”
“It’s not a CB radio, 551.”
“10–4.”
“What was the pilot doing before he, uh, passed away?”
“Eating pizza cheese.”
“Oh. Yeah, well, that’ll get you every time.”
“I could really go for a piece of pizza right now. I mean, it’s sitting right there. Would that be disrespectful?”
“551?”
“Umph?”
“Are you eating pizza?”
“No. Yes.”
“Okay. Just, don’t touch anything else.”
“Too late. I think I just dumped all our fuel.”
“That’s probably for the best.”
“Why?”
“… No reason. Look, you’ve seen people land planes on TV before, right?”
“Sure. I mean, usually they crash and burn, but technically I suppose that’s still landing.”
“We’re going to help. Just do what we tell you to do, okay?”
