I Bought A Gun and Immediately Shot Myself In The Foot

I should’ve read the owner’s manual.

Photo by Velizar Ivanov on Unsplash

What happened? Well, let me tell you, Nurse Ratched, what happened is I bought a gun and immediately shot myself in the foot.

I bet you didn’t know that any idiot in America can buy a gun, whether they know how to use one or not.

GUN SHOW, the sign said. COME IN AND BUY A GUN WHETHER YOU KNOW HOW TO USE ONE OR NOT, it didn’t say, but that was clearly implied.

So I did.

And within 30 seconds of buying a gun, I shot myself in the foot. The guy selling the gun did a background check (“You look normal to me”), and then he showed me how to load the — what’s it called — the shooty things. Death beans? Murder pods?

Bullets. Thanks.

Anyway, the guy showed me how to load the bullets and then he hit some little button I think he called a “softy” — “safety”? No, that doesn’t sound right — and I immediately grabbed the gun back from him and pulled the trigger.

I was pointing the gun down, of course. I’m not a complete moron. And that’s how I shot myself in the foot.

Well, the noise surprised me so much that I jerked the gun into the air and shot the guy right in the head. It gotta tell you, it’s just…