TOILET HUMOR

I Bought A Bidet

Badda bing, badda bum.

Photo by Samuel Regan-Asante on Unsplash

Some people need to get completely naked to poop. (Read the whole thread — “Thanks for sharing.”)

I don’t know what’s up with that, but I don’t take it quite that far. I do, however, require a sparkling clean undercarriage before I can face the world.

In some instances of dietary indiscretion (as veterinarians like to call it), this sometimes requires a second shower, which is time consuming and a pain in the butt, so to speak.

So I bought a bidet.

Not the whole basin with the plumbing, etc. American bathrooms aren’t designed for that because we’re filthy heathens.

Instead, I bought a bidet attachment for the princely sum of $25 and the promise that “It’s super easy to install.”

All of the narrators in the how-to videos on Amazon were women, so I was lulled into complacency.

If the person in the video telling you how to do something is a large, hirsute man in greasy coveralls, you can probably forget it.

Here’s a picture so you know what the hell I’m talking about. All you Europeans are probably clutching your pearls and muttering…