HUMOR

I Attended a Women’s Retreat in the Checkout Aisle

Women are always ready to support women, because we all have our stories.

Photo by Rosie Sun on Unsplash

I don’t know what it is about me that makes people think I want to talk to them, because I would literally rather be painted with honey and tied to an ant hill than engage in conversation with strangers, or even with people I know.

I go to our local Discount Drug Mart a lot, which sounds like someplace you wouldn’t want to shop at (“discount drugs” seem both unsafe and possibly illegal), but believe me, this place has everything. It’s like one of those general stores you see in an old Western where you could get a pound of sugar and a horse.

The other day, I walked up to the checkout lane and silently placed my pathetic single-person purchases on the counter, carefully avoiding eye contact with the woman at the cash register, as eye contact seems to be some kind of invitation to talk.

No, I do not want to eye-hug you today.

Milk. A loaf of bread. A couple packages of those pre-cooked Minute® Rice rice cups —

“Oh, aren’t those great?” the woman burst out cheerily.