How to Become a Morning Person

In one easy step that you’ll regret forever.

Bev Potter
3 min readMay 15, 2024


Photo by the author

If you ask a dog whether they want to go to the park, the answer is always, “Yes.”

If you, during a fit of temporary insanity, decide that you should go for a walk at the ungodly hour of 7:00 a.m. because you read somewhere that it will reset your cicadian rhythms and help you sleep, your dog it still voting, “Hell, yeah, let’s go!”

Congratulations! You are now a morning person.

Because unbeknownst to you, you have signed a fully binding contract with your dog that you will now take them on a walk at 7:00 in the morning for the rest of their lives.

This is called “dog law” and there are no appeals.

I don’t really mind the walks, or what I remember of them, anyway, because I’m dead asleep for at least half the time.

I remember driving to the park, and then there’s a blurry period of squinting into some hideous light in the sky that I’m told is the “sun”, and then I pass out a little bit.

And then somehow we’re back at the truck and my dog is happy, and at least one of us has pooped.



Bev Potter

Legal secretary by day, insomniac by night. Ally. BA, MA. Humor, pop culture, and things that make you think. My weekly-ish newsletter is