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BATHROOM HUMOR
How to Be the Fastest Pee-er This Side of the Pecos
Speedy urination is a skill anyone can learn.
I don’t remember exactly when I realized that I peed much, much faster than anyone else I knew.
What the hell were they doing in there, knitting a sweater? Didn’t they also have places to go and people to yell at?
I know I certainly don’t have time to sit around and do nothing several times per day while excess fluid drains from this giant meat sponge I call a body.
I believe in EFFICIENCY ABOVE ALL ELSE.
Of course, it’s also possible to pee too fast. I think that may be why there’s always pee on the floor of the office bathroom. One of the attorneys here needs to sing a little song to himself when he goes number one:
Slow down, you pee too fast.
You got to make the moment last.
Personally, I think I’d notice if I was peeing on the floor, but hey, I’m not that familiar with the equipment. Maybe there’s a hydraulics issue.
If you too want to be the fastest pee-er this side of the Pecos, just follow this handy step-by-step guide which, unfortunately, I’m not making up because there’s clearly something wrong with me.
