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Humor
How Not to Touch Your Face
If you touch your face, you die. No pressure.
I have long hair which is always in my face. And it itches, so I touch my face constantly.
I’m clearly doomed.
For the rest of you who still think you have a chance of surviving the [insert pandemic name here] outbreak, here are a few tips for not touching your face, since that’s the number one no-no and something we should have already learned from Kate Winslett's stellar turn in Contagion, which won an Oscar for “Making Kate Winslett Look Unattractive and Super Worried.”
You just touched your face, didn’t you? What did I just say?
KNITTING
Knitting kills two birds with one stone. Not only will it keep your hands busy so you don’t touch your face, but just think of all the clothes and blankets you and your family will need during the apocalypse! Vests, scarves, afghans, sweaters, hot pads, tea cozies. A festive fuzzy poncho may be the only thing standing between you and the zombie hoard. Knit, knit, knit. If you stop knitting, you die.
JUGGLING
I taught myself how to juggle one sweaty summer during the ’80s and it’s finally going to pay off. As long as I have three tennis balls and I haven’t been…
