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Humor
Everybody In The Neighborhood Is Upset About My Pet Alligator
Just because I have the coolest, and now the only pet in town.
I think Alan is starting to get a complex. He seems depressed. He doesn’t play much in his kiddie pool anymore. I think the neighbors’ refusal to let him play with the other kids really upset him.
Maybe he doesn’t play in the pool because he’s growing up and it’s time for him to put away childish things.
Or maybe it’s because he’s 6 feet long, weighs 500 pounds, and crushed it flat as a Frisbee.
All of my neighbors keep complaining about Alan but I think he’s the perfect roommate. He doesn’t smoke, he doesn’t listen to loud music, and when I label a yogurt in the fridge as mine, he never ever steals it.
Alan is a great conversationalist. He agrees with everything I say, especially if I say, “Let’s go outside and bask on that big rock in front of the apartment complex.”
Alan goes out a lot, but I don’t ask him where he’s been. I’m not his mom. I watch him from the window as he slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly makes his way down the sidewalk and then suddenly darts across the street with terrifying and incredible speed.
