Humor

Easter Bunny Arrested For B & E

Those damn Ring doorbells. Everybody’s so paranoid these days, a giant anthropomorphic rabbit can’t even sneak into somebody’s house to hide chocolate and eggs behind the couch without being arrested for breaking and entering.

I think the taser was a bit much, but yes, I did possibly try to bite one of the officers and then disembowel him with my powerful hind legs.

I should point out that I really resented it when the homeowner referred to me as “the buck-toothed freak on the left.” It wasn’t even a line-up of just rabbits. Of course he picked me. Everybody else was arrested for sleeping on a park bench or urinating in public.

I mean, yes, I urinate in public too, but I’m a rabbit. Don’t eat the black jelly beans, you know what I’m saying?

And not every family can afford braces, okay? Thanks for the painful memories of being tormented in school for my prominent front teeth, large ears, and fluffy cottontail. Do you know how hard it was to find pants that fit?

I begged my parents for tail removal surgery, but now I’m glad I kept my tail. My dad wanted me to be an accountant, but I wasn’t happy just being any bunny. I had dreams of being the Easter Bunny.