HUMOR

Congratulations On Your Purchase of a Frigidaire Chest Freezer

Say hello to convenience and goodbye to your food!

Photo by Dev Benjamin on Unsplash

Congratulations on your purchase of a Frigidaire chest freezer! Families dreamed about owning this beauty in the 1950s.

Now it just means you can’t afford a self-defrosting upright freezer, but you still need someplace to store 18 Lean Cuisines, a tub of generic ice cream, and a package of chicken thighs that you will never, ever use.

Thanks to Frigidaire’s state-of-the-art technology, whichever food item you’re looking for will always be on the bottom!

And while you unpack the entire freezer looking for the frozen fish sticks your kid is having a meltdown about upstairs (Surprise! You don’t have any!), say hello to that ham bone you were going to use to make soup.

Greet each other like the long-lost friends that you are, because you haven’t seen this ham bone since 2018. When’s the last time you even made soup from scratch?

That’s right. Never.

But you still put in the effort to pop that leftover ham bone into a Ziplock baggie and chuck it into the chest freezer, which is the food equivalent of staying in a bad marriage.

You can’t let the food go, but you also never want to see the food again.

Oh, look! It’s a mystery bag full of ice and something red you can’t really see because of all the ice. What could it be? Cherries? Strawberries? Your kid’s science project?

It’s strawberries! See, wasn’t that fun?

But wait, the mystery isn’t solved yet! What year did you freeze those strawberries?

Oh, you didn’t write a date on the bag because you were sure you’d make something delicious and nutritious within the next few weeks using those fresh, juicy strawberries that you picked with your own two hands at a pick-your-own patch in the blazing sun with sweat stinging your eyes and your lower back screaming at you like a New York cab driver?

HAHAHA!

Those strawberries are older than your favorite pair of underwear and they both need to…