Humor

Congratulations On Your Admission To The Facebook School Of Medicine

Where every student is already an expert.

Photo by Usman Yousaf on Unsplash

Dear Incoming Class of the Facebook School of Medicine:

Congratulations! You’ve beat out some of the dumbest human beings on the planet to attend our prestigious medical establishment, including your Aunt Tish and the entire state of Florida!

Please remember to report to radiology immediately upon arrival to be scanned for magnets that were probably implanted in your body when you got the measles vaccine as a toddler so you could be indoctrinated at Snowflake Elementary in Commieville.

We don’t want any of those little buggers messing up our MRI machines since, as everybody knows, MRIs can rip the fillings right out of your teeth which is why my Aunt Crystal wears dentures.

The syllabus will of course concentrate on COVID-19, with classes such as:

1. Why A Year Of Vaccine Development and Testing By The Best Scientific Facilities In The World Isn’t Good Enough For Me, A Person Who Got A D+ In My Freshman Biology Class
2. How To Perform Your Own Scientific Research While Getting Hammered On Margaritas At Applebee’s By Asking The Guy Next To You What He Thinks About The Vaccine