HUMOR
Brutally Honest Texts from FedEx Regarding Your Delivery
Your package is sort of on its way, maybe, if you’re lucky.
FedEx: A package is on the way! Your scheduled delivery is 04/12. Reply MANAGE for more options. Reply HELP for help. STOP to cancel
FedEx: Your package is delayed. Scheduled delivery is 04/13, estimated between 9:20A — 1:20P. Reply HELP for help. STOP to cancel.
FedEx: Your package is delayed. Scheduled delivery is 04/14, estimated between roughly 9:20A — 1:20P or thereabouts. Reply HELP if you are being attacked by a swarm of bees. STOP to cancel.
FedEx: Your package is (again) delayed. Scheduled delivery is 04/15, estimated between 9:20A — 1:20P Asia Pacific Time. Reply HELP if this is a shipment of medicine that is the only thing keeping you alive. STOP to cancel.
FedEx: Your package is delayed. Doh! Scheduled delivery is 04/16, estimated between 9:20A — 1:20P depending on whether the driver had a fight with his partner last night and started drinking around 6:00P. Reply HELP if none of your clothes fit anymore even though you stopped eating bread. STOP to cancel.
FedEx: Your package is delayed. This should not come as a surprise, and really, we don’t know why you even opened this text…
