Reviews

Annie’s Is The Worst Mac N’ Cheese On The Market

There. I said it.

Yes, there are many other things that should be keeping me up at night other than the relative merits of boxed macaroni and cheese, but this is really bothering me.

Annie’s is the kind of organic hippie fare that people pay top dollar for because “organic” without even knowing what that means or if it even matters.

Sure, you’re buying a box of organic macaroni and cheese. You’re a wonderful human being. Tell it to say hello to its neighbor, 6-Piece Chicken McNuggets with Honey Mustard Dipping Sauce when it hits your colon.

Ignoring pesticides for the moment, let’s just talk about the taste.

There’s some kind of cult that has taken over the minds of apparently everyone in America except me. This cult loves Annie’s mac n’ cheese. Annie’s macaroni and cheese is going to be their last meal before the flying saucers take them to Venus.

Annie’s mac n’ cheese consistently gets five stars on every single web site and appears either at or near the top of every “best” list.

I love this list that ranks Kroger mac n’ cheese higher than Annie’s. Whoever wrote this list was extremely drunk. And of course they always have to pollute the list with vegan options, or pasta made out of chickpeas or quinoa or tree bark or grass or something weird. The weird pastas can have their own list, okay?

I’m a Kraft Dinner girl and I’m not even Canadian (although I do love the Barenaked Ladies). Nothing beats that Flame-Glo pot o’ gooey orange goodness.

You heard me — nothing.

Purists are going to pontificate about their homemade cheddar Gruyère pasta casserole with capers and toasted panko breadcrumbs, and to them I say, “Get the hell away from me.”

There’s such a thing as too much cheese. (See, this is where I get kicked off the internet.)

Your taste buds can only distinguish between so many different flavors at one time. When you smoosh three cheeses together and pour it over pasta, your tongue detects one flavor and that flavor is called “cheese.” Your tongue isn’t the smartest…