Open Letter
An Open Letter to the Door-to-Door Salesperson Who Ruined My Day
It wasn’t good to begin with, but your visit didn’t help.
Dear Instagram-Worthy Blonde Woman Selling Office Supplies Door-To-Door While Driving A Lexus (?):
I have questions.
But first, let’s start with the NO SOLICITORS sign that’s next to the front door.
Clearly, that sign has no meaning and I just have some kind of sign fetish that compels me to post meaningless signs on any flat surface. I particularly like a nice RESTROOM or DANGER: RADIATION sign. It really gets my juices flowing.
I scroll through Staples and Office Depot looking at signs like other people scroll through Etsy or Pornhub. “Just look at the font on that EMPLOYEES ONLY,” I whisper to myself. “Mommy like.”
Do you ignore signs everywhere you go? Do you scream “YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!” as you tear through stop signs in your Lexus?
(The office supply biz must be doing pretty good, by the way. Just sayin’.)
Maybe you’re blind. Maybe the car was actually a Tesla and it drives itself. Seriously, who knows anymore.
