HUMOR

An Important Account Update from Verizon!

What to expect as we screw you over even more than we already do!

Rest assured, there’s no action needed, not that you could do anything about it anyway!

To assure you of our commitment to bringing you our award-winning network and to continue improving our industry-leading mobile network and services by giving all of our executives giant Christmas bonuses that could solve the nation’s homeless crisis, we’re “adjusting” our plan prices.

No sooner than 3.1.24, you’ll see an increased rate of $4/mo per phone line.

See? That’s a whole month away! You could be dead by then!

Bringing you the best value in wireless while making obscene amounts of money and absolutely crushing our competition with an effective monopoly akin to that of our buddies over at Amazon is our top priority.

Your 5G Start plan benefits will not be changing, so you can keep enjoying the 5 GB of Mobile Hotspot that you never, ever use.

Plus, we’re giving you even more stuff you will never, ever use!

In addition to your current benefits, we’re adding more value to your plan with an extra 5GB of Mobile Hotspot.

Yes, the Mobile Hotspot you never use because everyplace in America has free wi-fi and you’re not some…