Humor

An Employee Guide For Bugging The Crap Out Of Me

Failure to abide by these rules may be grounds for termination if you’re lucky.

Photo by Elyas Pasban on Unsplash

Welcome! (Para obtener instrucciones en español, consulte la página 12.)

We here at Non-Stop Drama, LLC, are so fake happy that you’ve decided to join our little dysfunctional family! Let’s go over a few ground rules before I show you to your pillory….I mean, desk.

WHY AM I SHOUTING? OH, BECAUSE EVERYONE HERE IS STONE DEAF. YOU’LL GET USED TO IT.

INTEROFFICE COMMUNICATION

This is an intercom. Never, ever use that. Just yell your conversation between rooms so that everyone in the building is forced to listen to it. And if you must use the intercom — some people are weird like that — remember to leave it on speaker so that the first few words you say are cut off and neither of you can hear what the other’s saying. Fun!

OFFICE ATTIRE

Are you wearing heels? Good. Since we have hardwood floors here, clomping is not only encouraged, it’s required. Really put your back into it. Channel your inner flamenco dancer as you make one million trips between your desk and the copier each day. Since other employees can’t always see you…