HUMOR

A Visit With the Can of Sardines I Bought Because They’re Healthy

I’m going to put you over here with that box of chickpea pasta I bought in 2017.

Photo by the author.

Hey, little buddy? How’s it going?

I know we haven’t seen each other in a while, but your “best buy” date is January 22, 2026, so this relationship still has some legs, even if you don’t.

Get it? Fish don’t have legs? Just a little piscine humor to lighten the mood.

No, I know you’re lonely. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to rub it in, although I am supposed to rub you on toast or something, I guess? Honestly, I don’t even know how to eat you.

I bought you more out of nostalgia than anything else. My dad loved sardines. He’d pop open a can and slap you on a saltine cracker and go to town.

No, I never asked him if I could have a bite. I was too busy freaking out.

It just seems wrong to eat something dead that looks almost exactly like it did when it was alive.

I have to admit that I like my food as ultra-high processed as it can possibly be. A hot dog and Twinkies are my idea of a perfect meal.