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Humor
A Talk With Little Me
Sharing some brutal truths with a five-year-old.
Hey kid, come here. Pull up a chair.
What’s in that sippy cup, juice? Here, let me give you something a little stronger.
It’s Starbucks Veranda blend. It’ll peel the enamel right off your teeth. Get used to it, you drink a lot of it when you grow up. It’s rich in flavonoids. Can you spell “flavonoid”? No? Jesus, what are they even teaching you.
Here, I’ll teach you a thing or two. And this is actually useful.
First off, nobody becomes an archeologist. Like, five people in the world are honest-to-God archeologists, and they ain’t having swashbuckling adventures and killing Nazis. They’re pooping in a bucket in Nepal and writing grant applications by the light of a bug zapper. They haven’t had a bath in six months and everything smells like yak.
Do you want to poop in a bucket? No, I didn’t think so.
How do you feel about customer service?
What is customer service? Customer service is where you get yelled at by strangers for things over which you have absolutely no control and that aren’t even your department.
