A Note From Your Fellow Rich People At Your Homeowners Association
Dear Deer Meadow Residents,
We have had several complaints of multiple children (a veritable “gang”) driving and riding on golf carts in a manner that is unsafe to the children as well as to the residents of Deer Meadow. Most of this has occurred in late evening or at night, when we adults are afraid to leave the safety of our mansions for fear of being attacked by the proletariat.
We have a report of one accident with minor injuries when an obviously drunk five-year-old at the wheel of a GolfCart3000 veered into a catch basin while chasing a skunk and screaming “KITTY! KITTY!” at the top of his lungs. It’s not really a secret whose child this was, since the smell is impossible to mask. Get well soon, Bradenton Nelson Caldwell III.
As a reminder, golf carts are to be driven on the wider of the two sidewalks on each verdant, lush, amply shaded street. Please do not operate carts on the sidewalk designated for “The Help”, as they should have full use of their limbs in order to better cook, clean, raise our children, garden, and do whatever other tasks we feel are beneath us or icky.
Undocumented carts are not allowed on the golf course, although they can circulate with drinks and hors d’oeuvres.
If you observe unsafe cart behavior, please contact the Blue Bonnet Township Police Department. They will look at you as if you’re insane and say things like “We have better things to do,” but as public servants paid with our grossly underreported tax dollars, they have to do what we say.
We are concerned for everyone’s safety since dead people can’t pay HOA fees. The board appreciates your assistance in this matter.
Deer Meadow Board of Trustees.
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