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Humor
A Letter To My Mom’s Neighbor Who Has Nothing Better To Do Than Complain
Hey there,
Yes, it’s that time of year when I ignore your yearly call about my mom’s fruit trees that are on the property line. You “almost poked an eye out” last year mowing under them and you want me to trim them back.
What you actually want me to do is cut them down, but that ain’t happening.
So here’s my solution: how about you don’t mow under them?
It’s two ancient pear trees with, like, three limbs between them and a stunted apple tree. I can weed whack under them, no problem. Which is what I do, all summer, every year.
That way you won’t “poke out an eye,” which I should probably tell you is “an open and obvious hazard” under Ohio law so don’t get any ideas about suing us.
Maybe you could go jump out of a plane again like you did on your 70th birthday. I mean, it was obviously a naked plea for Facebook likes, but whatever. You’re just one of those people.
Surely someone tough enough to jump out of a plane can figure out how not to poke out an eye on a tree branch two lots over from your actual house behind a giant stand of pine trees across an empty field that you insist on mowing every year for no obvious reason.
