HUMOR

A Conversation With My Dog Before Bed

Every. Single. Night.

THE TONGUE! (Photo by Samantha Jean on Unsplash)

ME: “Come on, let’s go outside.”

MY DOG: “Nope.”

“Come on, you have to go pee.”

“No hablo ingles.”

“I know you speak English.”

“Où est la bibliothèque?”

“If you don’t go pee now, you’ll get me up at 5:00 a.m.”

“No I won’t.”

“Yes, you will. Get over here.”

“Snore.”

“You can’t just say ‘snore’.”

“It’s raining in Alberta.”

“We’re in Ohio.”

“What if there’s a bear? You’d feel really bad if I got eaten by a bear.”

“I’d feel worse if I got eaten by a bear. Come on.”

“Then I’d be an orphan.”

“Oh my god.”

“Who would make my chicken tenders? The humanity.”

“If you don’t go pee, I’m going to give you away.”

“Wow. Harsh.”

“Peanut didn’t act like this.”

“Peanut, Peanut, Peanut. That’s all I ever hear about. Peanut the Wonder Dog.”