A Christmas Carol: 2020

May the higher power of your choice bless us every one.

TINY TIM: Child with preexisting condition lacks affordable health care.

BOB CRATCHIT: Minimum-wage worker secretly writes Antifa manifesto, plans podcast.

SCROOGE: Business owner applies for stimulus check, uses funds to purchase psychedelics and fresh potatoes. Has bad trip, throws unmasked office party which becomes a superspreader event.

MRS. CRATCHIT: Decides to try keto diet but can’t afford adequate high-fat protein source. Blames others.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: Woman who spent her life working for non-profits struggles with funding.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT: Functioning alcoholic won’t admit he has a problem, encourages others to eat and drink excessively.

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS YET TO COME: Introvert gives directions to tourist, becomes a third-party vendor of substandard goods on Amazon.

BOB MARLEY: Struggles with depression, is open about his bondage fetish.

BELLE: Realizing her own worth, woman marries fitness instructor, has several children, moves to Pocatello.

FRED: Manipulates rich distant relative in order to fund his start-up.

Legal secretary by day, insomniac by night. BA, MA. If life is a journey, I’m lost. Slackjaw, Points In Case, The Funny Times, The Haven. Twitter: @blade_funner

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