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A Christmas Carol: 2020
May the higher power of your choice bless us every one.
TINY TIM: Child with preexisting condition lacks affordable health care.
BOB CRATCHIT: Minimum-wage worker secretly writes Antifa manifesto, plans podcast.
SCROOGE: Business owner applies for stimulus check, uses funds to purchase psychedelics and fresh potatoes. Has bad trip, throws unmasked office party which becomes a superspreader event.
MRS. CRATCHIT: Decides to try keto diet but can’t afford adequate high-fat protein source. Blames others.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST: Woman who spent her life working for non-profits struggles with funding.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT: Functioning alcoholic won’t admit he has a problem, encourages others to eat and drink excessively.
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS YET TO COME: Introvert gives directions to tourist, becomes a third-party vendor of substandard goods on Amazon.
BOB MARLEY: Struggles with depression, is open about his bondage fetish.
BELLE: Realizing her own worth, woman marries fitness instructor, has several children, moves to Pocatello.
FRED: Manipulates rich distant relative in order to fund his start-up.
